There wasn't an exact moment or time when I realized that my beautiful son Kyler, who will be five next month, was showing autistic tendencies. It's not like I just woke him up one morning for daycare, looked at him and thought, "Gee, I wonder if he has autism?" Kyler's first year he hit all his milestones on time despite being six weeks premature. Everything continued on a normal development path throughout his second year as well, or at least it seemed to his father and I. Being as Kyler was our first and only child so far and really not having spent a substantial amount of time with any other children his age there was really no reason for us to think anything different. However, my son was about two and a half years old when his father, grandparents and I began to notice that he wasn't speaking as much as other kids his age, or much at all for that matter. Even so, I have always heard that little boys have a tendency to "bloom a little" later than little girls. That and the fact that he was an only child, it made sense to me that Kyler may not speak as much because not only did his father and I dote on him and he never had to ask for anything, he had no sisters or brothers to communicate with and learn from.
None the less,. I began reading about autism on various sites, which there are a lot of great ones but also a lot of not great ones. I feel that is an important point to make because there is a lot of false information online and parents or anyone with a autistic loved one need to be careful with the sites they choose. Government and medical sites are always the most accurate. Anyway, as I read the more evident it started becoming to me that my son very well may be autistic. So much of it sounded so familiar. For example, the three components of autism are socialization, communication and repetitive behaviours; all three I saw a lot of in my Kyler. He was three months shy from his third birthday the day I asked one of his daycare providers if she thought that Kyler was showing signs of autism, She said "yes". Even with all my suspicions it was extremely hard to hear and I felt devastated. I mean, who wants to think that there could be something different about their child and this something is said to be a lifelong condition. The next day I made a referral for the Autism Team to assess and diagnose my son, however the waiting list was over a year. At this time, I felt helpless, guilty and alone. I couldn't bare to think of it and I admit about six months went by that I was in complete denial. Guilt, denial, helplessness; a rollercoaster of emotions that although natural, are paralyzing, unbeneficial and are definitely not going to help my son. Then one day it hit me like a bolt of lightening; I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and my son and start educating myself about autism, it's spectrum disorders and how I was going to make sure my son was going to have the same opportunities as everyone else. I'll be damned if I allow my wonderful little man to suffer a disadvantage over something that was entirely out of his control. It's just wasn't an option.
I began to read everything I could get my hands on about Autism and with the help of a group I started on facebook called "Autism Awareness, Information & Support" I obtained some very valuable advice and resources. What surprised me the most was the more I researched, the better I felt because I realized a couple of very important things. First, that autism is not a disability, as much as it is a different way of learning. Not better or worse, just different. I realized that by taking the time and applying certain methods in a consistent, loving and proper way, Kyler's autism could actually be something used to his advantage. My guilt began to subside as it became apparent to me that due to the fact that there is no known cause for the condition, and it affects all sorts of children from all spectrums of people and I had no reason to feel guilty. That was a real epiphany for me because guilt, although natural, is paralyzing and how can you help your child when you can't move.
This past February Kyler's Autism screening began. It took a few months and consisted of several different sessions with all sorts of child professionals. When it was over, there was a three week period in which all the professionals exchanged information for a diagnosis. During this time I felt as though I was ready for whatever diagnosis they gave, except inconclusive. As a mother, I needed to know what was going on with my son. As ready as I thought I was it was still probably the hardest thing I ever heard when the psychiatrist said to me, "Kelty, we have determined that your son Kyler is autistic". I will admit that was a hard day and I cried a lot. But when I woke up the next morning I was blown away by the strong feeling of relief washing through my heart. Now I knew and now I could start making the appropriate plans to ensure Kyler reach his full potential. I am thrilled to say that in the last three months since he was diagnosed he has grown a tremendous amount and his words are coming fast and furious. Everyday he is saying or doing something else and I could not be more proud of him.
"They" say that there will never be a cure for autism, but who are "they" anyway. Honestly, I feel as though with all the new information scientists are discovering about the human brain every day that it is irresponsible to say that there will never be a cure. Maybe there will, maybe not, but either way autism is extremely fascinating because although there is presently no cure, there is so many methods, tools and such, that don't require formal medication, to work with the condition.
Reguardless of all things, Kyler is my son, the joy of my life and despite the struggles and the struggles that could very well be ahead of us, I would not change a single thing about him.
